The morning I had a dream that my mother published a nude photo book,
I felt like I couldn't say anything and said "I'm coming" to an empty room.

The number of umbrellas at the entrance next door has increased to four.
Come to think of it, when was the last time you threw away your umbrella?I can't believe that buying an umbrella and throwing away an umbrella in life are on balance.
With that in mind, I unlocked the door again to take out the folding umbrella I had just bought.


That day, I withdrew a large amount of money from the morning and paid my pension in advance at a convenience store.
I can see the faces of my friends who sarcastically said, "Bandmen also pay their pensions," and I'm still embarrassed that I couldn't say, "Yes, bandmen are citizens, too."
Because I have done nothing to be ashamed of.

I feel like I've finally grown up in the true sense of the word since I learned that it costs a lot of money just to live like a human being in this country, such as taxes, pensions, and insurance premiums.I feel like an adult, or more like a member of society.
No matter how lighthearted I am, the fact that I am being paid to live is clinging to my body and trying to put my floating feet on the ground.
``If only I could catch this cloud, it would be a little more.'' I received the receipt while thinking that.
And I thought, let's forget about the renewal fee for the room, which will be two years from now.



No matter how you look at it, my life is by no means artistic.
Sweat, the raw smell of my scalp, and the scent of me that doesn't hide anything slip through my fingers along with my hair.And throw it away by yourself along with the hair that has accumulated in the drain.


Sometimes I get scared that my peaceful and calm daily life will pass.It must have been from the time I realized that I was losing my future.
However, in a distant country, even now, things are happening that make it difficult to be immersed in such a peaceful philosophy.
I wonder if he, who used to go out with him and used to say, "It's peaceful," is still saying "It's peaceful," because his days pass by indifferently.He remembered the back for a moment and stopped.
As for me (speaking only for myself), my days are literally frighteningly "peaceful".


Ever since I was little, even when I was in middle school or high school, I had a hard time accepting the fact that I was happy. If I had to use the word “chuunibyou” to describe it, I would have been ashamed of not having any negative circumstances worth mentioning in the world of the main character. tended to
Being full, laughing with friends, and falling in love were still good.However, she couldn't accept that she was loved by her family.
As for our family, we weren't wealthy at all and my father wasn't there, but it wasn't a nuclear family.
Even though everything has changed over time, such as the number of family members and the economic situation, it remains unwavering.
I couldn't accept that kind of happiness, probably because I thought it was "happiness" more than anything else. I was ashamed, and more than anything, angry.


However, now that I know how hard it is for a person to live alone, it seems natural that different people live together as a family (even though they sometimes suffer unreasonable disadvantages) and support each other. I feel the difficulty of going, or more simply, the awesomeness of it.
That happiness wasn't taken for granted, it was protected by the efforts of all the adults at home.



There's a war going on in a faraway country, someone is being hurt at the next station, a historic carnage has already happened, and an office worker will be fired tomorrow.
This is an undeniable fact.

Even so, I am not ashamed of my happiness and peace as I live my life to the fullest.I want to think so.
If war breaks out tomorrow, what will happen to my hard-earned pension?
It's okay to think about such things, and it's okay to be afraid that your peaceful and peaceful life will pass.

It's not that I want to say that it's okay if only I'm happy, and it might feel arrogant, but we're already doing our best, even if it means maintaining the status quo.And it hurts enough.No one has the right to criticize it, not even oneself.


Sea (updated 2022.08.09)